During this period of lockdown, perhaps you’ve considered DIY sex toys to relieve the boredom while satisfying your libido. A bit of crafting keeps you busy, and if you can enjoy yourself along the way, why not?
But Covid-19 is giving A&E staff more than enough work to do. So don’t give them extra work by injuring your intimate parts! Here are a few ideas for arse-crafting, some to try and some to avoid.
First, though, let’s remember that most online sex toy shops are still open despite the coronavirus epidemic. Deliveries are taking a little longer than usual, admittedly, but the parcels do eventually arrive.
In short: making a homemade sex toy can be a fun activity, but it’s not your last resort for accessorised masturbation.
DIY sex toys: vegetable dildos
The idea: you don’t have a dildo to hand, but you’ve got a well-stocked basket of vegetables? A lovely courgette, an organic cucumber, a small aubergine, or a splendid carrot might just do the trick.
Risks: if your vegetable is organic and clean, there is no danger when it comes to vaginal insertion, unless you count looking like a pervy rabbit. But be careful: no anal insertion with this improvised sex toy! If it goes too far, or breaks, the vegetable could get stuck. And this is not the ideal time to turn up at A&E pretending you’ve slipped while making soup.
Sensations: having tried it myself, I can say that a cucumber or carrot certainly doesn’t make an ideal dildo, but, well, it does the job. And you can always eat it afterwards: no waste with vegetable DIY sex toys! However, I’m far from an expert on the subject. For that, ask Charlie Liveshow, who regularly does shows with vegetables.
DIY sex toys: ice cubes
Running an ice cube over your partner’s body and intimate parts, or playing with an ice cube in your mouth during oral sex, is an interesting way to explore new sensations.
Risks: absolutely none. Just remember to make some ice cubes for the occasion a few hours beforehand. You wouldn’t want to use old ice cubes that have been sitting in the freezer for who knows how long.
Sensations: it’s cold… It might feel good, or it might not, depending on your preferences and sensitivities.
DIY sex toys: the homemade noodle masturbator
The idea: put some warm noodles inside a wash mitt, and there you have it: all you have to do is put your cock inside. People sometimes say that the lucky ones have their arses lined with noodles, but can you tell us whether having your cock lined with noodles is worth it?
Risks: make sure the noodles have cooled down enough, or you risk a painful burn to your penis.
Sensations: I couldn’t find a willing guinea pig to give it a try. While a few websites suggest this masturbation trick to their readers, it seems to belong more to the realm of urban legend or the teen movie than everyday use. But if you try it, tell us about it!
DIY sex toys: the rolled-up towel
The idea: wrap a bath towel around a latex glove. Then secure the whole thing with elastic bands, and fold the opening of the glove over the top of the towel so it covers the edge. And there you go: just lubricate the inside of the glove and your penis well, and you’ve got yourself a DIY masturbator.
One variation suggests replacing the towel with a Pringles tube padded with two sponges, which you tape around the glove.
Risks: overall, this technique seems pretty safe.
Complications: have you tried buying disposable latex gloves lately? They’re in seriously short supply. And they are among the essential protective equipment needed to fight the spread of a virus. So much so that a website selling supplies for medical fetishism, MedFetUK, donated its stock to a desperate hospital.
Well, no latex glove, what a shame… You might have a washing-up glove lying around. But it probably won’t be as comfortable. One variation involving a pool noodle and Haribo bears points out that if you don’t have a glove, a plastic bag will do just fine. You decide which option you prefer.
Sensations: you tell us!
DIY sex toys: clothes as restraints
Haven’t worn your tie since you started working from home? Those stockings at the back of the wardrobe no longer need to worry about keeping your legs warm in the spring chill? Don’t abandon them just yet: turn them into sex toys!
You can give these pieces of fabric from your old social-life outfits a new lease of life by using them to tie up your partner or blindfold them. They’re soft and silky, wonderfully sensual, with a slight hint of fetishism.
Risks: this is an improvised bondage accessory. So you need to follow all the usual precautions for bondage. Among other things, never tie the restraints too tightly, don’t use slip knots, never put anything around the neck, and always make sure the other person isn’t showing any signs of getting a cramp.
Sensations: surprise, bondage, dominance, submission, all done gently.
DIY sex toys: the shower head
The shower head method is an age-old masturbation technique, well known to those who tend to spend hours in the bathroom.
If you haven’t tried it yet and you have a clitoris, or a consenting person is happy to let you borrow theirs during a sexy shower, this is your chance to give it a go.
First, adjust the shower head to get a concentrated jet in the middle. Turn the water up to a decent pressure, aim the jet at your clit, and you’re all set. You can play around with the sensations by adjusting the water pressure and changing the distance and angle of the jet in relation to your clit.
Risks: none, as long as the water isn’t too hot, of course. On the other hand, it wastes water, which is bad for the planet.
Sensations: it’s powerful, but it can be a little rough. If the stimulation isn’t too intense for your clit’s sensitivity, you’ll probably reach orgasm very quickly.
Note: this technique can also work on penises.
DIY BDSM sex toys: for spanking
Some of you have seen lockdown as an opportunity to try your hand in the kitchen, or reaffirm your culinary talents. Now it’s time to look at the kitchen in a more lustful light. A silicone spatula for the more delicate, or a wooden spoon for masochists, can make effective improvised spanking accessories.
As for the bathroom, that flat hairbrush you haven’t been using much lately, admit it, can become a fearsome tool for punishing bottoms. It’s double-sided, so you never know which side it’s going to hit with.
At first, you made an effort to look at least a little presentable, but the days have gone by and it’s been ages since you last put on your trousers. So your belt is lying in a corner, when you could be using it to spank your partner (or get spanked), or to tie them up (or be tied up).
Risks: be careful not to hit too hard, and don’t strike directly on the intimate parts: it can hurt.
Sensations: from a gentle spanking to a stinging one, depending on the implement and the preferences of the person receiving it.
And if you’re after more elaborate homemade sex toys, you can take a look at our articles on making a whip, or a gag, paddle or spreader bar.
DIY natural lubricant: coconut oil
Many of you already knew this, because it’s been mentioned on lots of websites, but it’s worth saying. Coconut oil is a natural lubricant that can be used vaginally or anally. It’s edible, and will also add a nice flavour to oral sex.
But be careful: coconut oil is incompatible with latex condoms, as it makes them porous. But it is compatible with most sex toys, making it suitable for solo play.
What’s more, its texture is pleasant: solid at low temperatures (it’s usually kept in the fridge), a bit like margarine, it melts under your fingers, taking on a liquid, oily texture. This makes it very pleasant for massages. Bonus: it moisturises the skin.
Risk: just one thing: if you cover yourself in coconut oil for a massage, be careful not to slip!
As long as you don’t mix it with latex condoms, which it damages, coconut oil (pure, organic and cold-pressed if possible) is quite safe for the body, and you can use as much as you like. What’s more, whatever you don’t use as lubricant can also be added to some tasty dishes.
Sensations: it slips, it smells good, and it tastes good.
DIY nipple clamps: chopsticks or paper clips
Are you stuck at home with your partner, and is working from home starting to take up a bit too much space in your private life? Does your other half think of nothing but the office, now that it’s far too close to the bedroom? Use paper clips as nipple clamps and recreate the atmosphere of a “slutty secretary” (or “horny assistant”), straight out of a 90s porno.
Alternatively, for foodies, if you can’t get fresh sushi from a good restaurant, you can recycle chopsticks into rather stylish nipple clamps by putting an elastic band around each end.
Risks: be careful not to pinch too hard.
Sensations: quite a light pinch with paper clips, more intense with chopsticks.
DIY sex toys: a hairbrush handle
If you don’t have a dildo, the handle of a hairbrush can serve as an improvised dildo, and can be used both anally and vaginally. The brush head acts as a stopper.
Risks: first make sure the brush handle has no detachable parts. Otherwise, a part could get stuck in your anus. Also pay attention to the shape of the handle, and make sure it doesn’t have anything that could injure you.
Sensations: they vary according to the shape and size of the handle, but obviously you shouldn’t expect a feeling of fullness. On the other hand, it could work, although it’s not ideal, for G-spot stimulation.
Are DIY sex toys a good idea?
Turning a few everyday objects into improvised sex toys can be fun. It’s a way to look at the everyday from a new, lustful perspective, and can make for an exciting game, solo or as a couple. But above all, whatever you do, don’t take risks.
However, if instead of turning to DIY you’d rather own a proper sex toy, or even several, you can always order them online from whichever shop you like.
A few nice shops that are still delivering, even now:
- For “classic” sex toys:
- For BDSM:
