G-Vibe Test

We tested the G-Vibe, from the brand Funtoys. A strange vibrating sex toy, whose flexible end splits into two halves, pointing in opposite directions.

The G-Vibe is presented as an ultra-versatile gadget. It is claimed to stimulate almost every human erogenous zone, from penises to vaginas, via breasts, testicles and anuses.

A rather stale sales pitch: we all know that one single item won’t replace every conceivable sex toy. And that’s no big deal; we just ask that it works well for the use we put it to.

But among all the quirky suggestions in its user manual, what use should we actually put the G-Vibe to? That’s what we’ll find out in this test.

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Sex toy packaging

The box is pretty, decorated with a stylised flower (an orchid?).

A case is included, made from a slightly stretchy white fabric.

Appearance of the G-Vibe

Opening the box, I wondered how I would even manage to use this strange bifurcated contraption.

The handle reminds me of the one on the Fun Factory Tiger G4. It’s an oval you can slip your finger through, covered with a metallic surface. There’s also a slight resemblance to that of the LELO Isla and Soraya.

There are a few minute surface imperfections on the handle. But nothing serious; they are, in fact, too small to be visible in the photo.

Texture and materials

The G-Vibe is made of 100% medical silicone, the packaging tells us. In any case, no suspicious odour: at first glance, all is well.

The handle and the start of the sex toy are rigid (there’s something hard inside). But it softens a bit before splitting into two branches, which are soft and very flexible, thankfully!

Charging the G-Vibe

The G-Vibe is recharged via a USB port, with a cable, included.

The fact that you can charge it via a USB port is practical, and you can easily adapt it to a socket by squatting the transformer of a smartphone charger. It is a pity, though, that the plug of the cable in question (the side that connects to the sex toy) has a proprietary, non-standard format: if you break or lose this cable, the G-Vibe is finished.

The charge lasts long enough (I didn’t bother to time it, but I didn’t have any battery issues, and after leaving it out for a good while, it was still charged).

Controls and modes

The G-Vibe has a whole host of variants in its vibrations, with three buttons, which allow you to choose the mode and intensity. The “+” key is used to turn it on and increase the power, a zigzag logo changes the vibration mode, and the “-” key lowers the power and turns the device off. The whole thing lights up as soon as you press one of the buttons.

Altogether, the vibrator has 6 modes, all with adjustable power, including one made of constant vibrations.

 

Using the G-Vibe

It’s all very well, but we’ll need to figure out how to use this contraption.

Let’s take a look at the instructions:

The instructions indicate a wide range of possible combinations… but concretely, some of these suggestions are what the fuck utterly ridiculous.

The one involving breasts and vibrations on the nipples (second column of the second row), in addition to being of no interest to ordinary people (You know a lot of people who like having their nipples vibrated, do you?) is technically impossible unless you squish the vibrator against your chest in order to spread its branches wide enough (and even then, my breasts are trying to run off to the sides to escape the monster). And the “technique” illustrated in the first column of the second row just tickles unpleasantly.

In practice, three uses are possible:

On the clitoris

By pressing one of the “branches” of the sex toy onto the clit.

In that case, the other branch is of no use, which is a bit of a shame because half of the vibrations are lost. They are powerful, since there are two motors, one on each “branch”, so it remains perfectly usable.

Vaginal penetration

By inserting both “branches” of the G-Vibe into the vagina simultaneously. The sex toy is then oriented in profile, one branch pointing towards the navel, the other towards the back.

This configuration is meant to stimulate both the “point G” and the “PS-spot”, or “perineal sponge”, which would be located directly opposite the “point G” (I can’t find an adequate French translation… “perineal spongy body”, perhaps).

 

 

Bottom line: the sensations are pleasant, but excessively wide movements are impossible, because if one of the branches slips out, you have to pause to put it back. In short, you have to constantly pay attention to the sex toy’s movements; it’s a bit lacking in spontaneity for getting properly into the mood.

 

The two views of the G-Vibe (on the left, the controls side, on the right, the back side, )

 

Rabbit-style

This is the best compromise (in my opinion) for using this vibrator. By inserting one branch and pressing the other against my clitoris, with quick motions, I reach orgasm very quickly. The vibrations are powerful and are clearly felt on both sides.

The “branches” are flexible and not too broad. So one of them can easily be inserted, which is not the case with rabbit vibrators, whose insertable shaft is usually wide, and whose part intended for the clitoris only reaches it once that wide shaft has been inserted.

 

 

So, in short, it works perfectly as a rabbit variant, making up for some of its shortcomings. It’s a kind of rabbit whose clitoral and vaginal “rabbits” are the same size and very flexible.

Conclusion on the Funtoys G-Vibe

The good points:

• Its vibrations are powerful. That’s the main quality you expect from a vibrator: there’s nothing to complain about on that point.

• Overall, the presentation is polished: nice packaging and a case included. The sex toy looks smart, it’s made of silicone, it’s rechargeable and has a battery that lasts… In short, we’re dealing with a very good product that has met all basic quality criteria.

• It’s original: a sort of mutant rabbit, which can appeal to those who don’t like the “you have to insert a big thing first before getting vibrations on the clitoris” aspect. The result of this innovation is not incongruous: once the proper use is discovered, it makes it easy to come.

The bad points:

• It’s original, of course, but as a result, a priori, when it lands in our hands, we don’t really know what we can do with this thing. And its daft manual muddies the waters… Once tested, ok, it’s a rather cool mutant rabbit, but without instructions, it’s rather off-putting… I had trouble finding the motivation to test it.

 

 

 

In short:

The thing that’s wrong with the G-Vibe is its user guide, which leaves a nasty taste of teleshopping. Like, “come here, I’ll hoodwink you and try to push the-miracle-product-that-does-it-all on you, especially things that aren’t credible for a second”. In that vein, I wouldn’t have been surprised by mentions such as “it softens your underwear” or “it makes the cellulite on your earlobes disappear”.

It doesn’t make you want to. Seeing that, you tell yourself you’ve made a mistake and you’re holding a useless object in your hands.

However, the sex toy itself is nice. The quality seems to be up to it, with powerful motors that produce vibrations worthy of the name, a fairly neat finish and presentation, and a battery that holds up. It doesn’t do everything as its user guide would have you believe. But it is useful, and when using it as a “mutant rabbit”, it gets you to orgasm quite easily.

 

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