Valentine’s Day has passed. Here is one of the gifts you dodged: the vibrating teddy bear.
Browsing the catalogue of Fleshlight Store*, which offered us the chance to test one of its products, I spotted the Teddy Love, a peculiar teddy bear with a vibrating snout that sticks its tongue out.
My immediate reaction was: “Oh, it’s so creepy! I want it!”.
I’ve already given you a quick rundown of the strange associations between plush toys and sex. A pleasure object for ursusagalmatophiles, the Teddy Love is the pinnacle.
Its creators had the bad idea of presenting it as a discreet sextoy (a teddy bear sticking out a plastic tongue, what could be more ordinary? hmm…) and less intimidating to buy and use than a traditional vibrator (“Hello, I’d like a weird teddy bear with a vibrating snout!”. Saying that sentence while walking into a sex shop will absolutely not put anyone who is embarrassed about buying a sextoy at ease… But of course…), which is a bit ridiculous and not really believable.
However, the Teddy Love can make for an interesting play accessory for people with an infantilisation fetish.
I took a long time to decide to write about the Teddy Love. I’m one of those people who tend to attribute a personality to plush toys, and when I had it in front of me, the prospect of sleeping with that bear no longer seemed attractive at all. A real block. It stared at me with its big round eyes, shaggy fur and its snout with its tongue stuck out, giving it the look of a pervy teddy bear, or a retard, depending on the angle I looked at it from. Was it consenting, at least? Anyway, no, I couldn’t.
However, being unable to describe to you what it feels like to get a cunny from a vibrating teddy bear, I still had the chance to unbox it, examine it up close, switch it on… I’ll therefore be able to describe it to you in more detail than what its official presentation hints at.
Packaging
The Teddy Love bear arrives in a cardboard box, open at the front, which could be the packaging for a regular plush toy.
This box is, of course, disposable. A teddy bear doesn’t need a storage case, it stays in its owner’s bed.
The appearance of the sextoy… I mean, of the vibrating teddy bear
With its black eyes, shaggy light brown fur and removable bow tie around its neck, the Teddy Love would almost be put together like an ordinary teddy bear, if it didn’t have this rubbery snout, and above all, this dangling tongue in the middle.
As for the snout, I get it, it’s a fluffy thing whose consistency is suitable for a sextoy. Now, that is after all the point of the bear, and it remains fairly discreet. But this dangling tongue wasn’t essential for use (for clitoral stimulation, the snout alone could have been enough). And it gives it a stupid, or sickly, look, your choice, and because of it, anyone who catches sight of the Teddy Love will realise at first glance that your relationship with this plush toy is anything but platonic.
“Bll-blll-blll-bll-bll-bllll!” the bear exclaimed
Textures and materials
On the plush side, the Teddy Love has long, very soft fur.
On the sextoy side, its snout is made of thermoplastic elastomer: this generic term refers to a porous material, but one that contains no phthalate. It is odourless. The hollow base of its snout is soft, while its nose and tongue are firm and rigid.
Powering the Teddy Love
The Teddy Love runs on three AA batteries, which you place in a compartment located in a Velcro pocket on the back of the plush toy. A crosshead screwdriver is needed to open and close this compartment when you change the batteries.
It comes with three batteries included.
The battery compartment has an on/off button. If, in your childhood, you ever had a plush toy that could move or sing, it’s the same principle. Before you start using the bear, you have to set this button to “on”.
Controls and modes
The Teddy Love has ten vibration modes. I admit I expected a single, non-adjustable mode: on this point, it’s better made than I’d have thought.
Now the big question: how do you turn it on, and how do you choose the vibration mode? If the prospect of pressing your genitals against the snout of a poor teddy bear made you a little uneasy, wait while I explain how its controls work. You press its right ear to switch it on or off, and its left ear to change vibration mode. Yes, you read that right. On top of making it do pervy things, you pull its ears.
It also has a button in the paw that triggers a brief sequence of vibrations for demonstration purposes, useful only when the bear is still in its box.
In the company of the pervy bear…
Vibrations
The Teddy Love’s vibrations are not very strong. However, I can’t accurately judge their effectiveness, not daring to put my clit on that poor bear, but from what I can gauge by putting my hand on it, I’ve seen worse. And I wasn’t expecting any fearsome power from a teddy bear vibrator anyway.
As for the noise level, it’s audible, but very quiet.
Caring for the vibrating teddy bear
The Teddy Love cannot, of course, be machine-washed, nor fully shampooed. Indeed, its body contains all the electronic components that make it vibrate.
Its user manual therefore recommends gently washing its snout with soapy water, or using a sextoy cleaner.
When you use it, you will inevitably, sooner or later, accidentally put bodily fluids or lubricant into its fur. However, only very superficial cleaning is allowed… So yes, it’s a bit gross… And that poor bear is inevitably destined to become a nest of microbes in the long run.
Conclusion on the Teddy Love vibrating teddy bear
The good points:
- It has the merit of being atypical, and should be able to satisfy certain very specific fantasies.
The bad points:
- It is not washable.
- It is battery-powered.
- It’s a teddy bear. A teddy bear that stupidly sticks out its tongue, waiting for you to press your vulva against its snout. If you’re not in a sexual mood involving a teddy bear, you’ll probably, like me, find it creepy.
Review score
Pros
- Atypical
- Can satisfy specific fantasies
Cons
- Creepy, for most people
- Not washable
- On batteries
Thanks to the Fleshlight Store*, who allowed us to test the Teddy Love.
(*) It seems the Fleshlight-Store.biz lovestore, although still online, is no longer in business.
