In this series of interviews, we explore the views of BDSM beginners. We asked people who are attracted to BDSM but have little (or no) experience to talk about what they want, by answering a few questions.
For this third instalment, our interviewee is Maël, another beginner Dom in BDSM.
Maël describes himself as more of a Dom, given his limited experience. He would like to find a submissive, but also, “just to try it out”, a dominatrix.
The appeal of BDSM
1Why are you attracted to BDSM? How did the idea first come into your mind?
I’m attracted to BDSM because it’s a fantasy I’d really like to put into practice. A fantasy to begin with, and then putting it into practice…
The idea first came to me while reading a manga, when I must have been about twelve and a half. So my first erection that I truly understood must have been about BDSM.
It’s worth pointing out that the book wasn’t aimed at adults at all. It’s just that, to my young eyes, a pair of tied-up breasts represented something absolutely incredible, unbelievable… And it was only the idea that attracted me; the image showed almost nothing. I then hid away to look at this image again and again. After that, I did some research and learnt first what nudity was, and then what BDSM was.
Attracted to certain aspects of BDSM
2BDSM encompasses a fairly wide range of practices, and can be viewed from various angles… Which aspect appeals to you most? What are you interested in trying?
I really don’t know how to answer this question… To start with, I’m attracted to two broad areas: mainly Dominance, but also Submission, although that has always remained a fantasy.
One aspect that interests me a lot is writing, mainly writing together, but I can’t hide the fact that I’m also interested in sexual activities associated with BDSM. If I could, I’d like to submit to a woman and give in to her desires. And above all, I’d like to have a woman who would give in to mine. But I’m not mad, and I know that’s rare, even though my desires are fairly vague.
Soft or hard BDSM?
3More soft or more hard? And how would you define those two terms?
I’ll start with the definition, which isn’t easy at all!
I’d say soft BDSM is the art of bondage. Apart from sexual activities and bondage, I don’t know enough about other BDSM practices to talk to you about them here. But I don’t think soft BDSM stops at bondage. I think Dominance/Submission without a sexual relationship could be defined as soft BDSM, but I say that without being entirely sure…
As for hard BDSM, I think it’s an intense sexual relationship… I can’t think of any other words to describe it. And I don’t like putting myself in boxes, so I’d say I’m attracted to something somewhere between the two.
Fantasy or reality?
4Do you think this will remain in the realm of fantasy, or will you put it into practice?
I’ve already put it into practice, twice. And I hope to do it again.
Many thanks to Maël for taking the time to answer my questions.
Previous posts in this interview series:
- Starting out in BDSM: beginners’ accounts (Part 1).
- The appeal of BDSM, beginners’ accounts (Part 2)
Next:
Image sources: Flickr galleries by Steve Rainwater and Weer Stand, Creative Commons
