A porn parody of The Legend of Zelda has recently been released. This completely bonkers film is called “The Legend of Zildo: Cockarina of Time”, and comes from WoodRocket studios.
April O’Neil plays the role of Princess Zelda (or rather, Zildo), and Cody Steele that of Link (renamed Dink), while Gabriella Paltrova plays a fairy… who travels hidden inside Dink’s briefs.
WoodRocket studios are no strangers to porn parodies. After The Simpsons, Pokémon, SpongeBob, Rick and Morty, Game of Thrones, Dragon Ball Z, Bilbo the Hobbit, and many others, it was only logical that The Legend of Zelda wouldn’t be spared.
The plot of the Zelda porn parody
The film is available to stream on WoodRocket’s official website and on Pornhub. So I watched it.
The video opens with a few scenes that are 100% platonic and 100% WTF. While Princess Zildo is held captive by the villain, Gandong, Dink encounters a penis-shaped tree. This tree entrusts him with his quest, along with a phallic sword (naturally, it’s a porn) and a fairy who’s into jerking off.
After a few setbacks during which Zildo dozes off while masturbating in front of a porn video of April A’Neil as Bowsette (inception, when you’ve got ’em), and a console bug, Dink finally manages to free the princess from the villain’s clutches.
And that’s where the sexual part begins. In fact, Zildo was eager for Dink to come and free her so they could have some fun, and Dink is really keen to show her his Cockarina of Time. A long sex scene between Dink and Zildo follows. We then see the fairy, having emerged from Dink’s briefs, masturbating solo with a dildo.
Overall, it’s a really nice film. The video game references are well and truly there, the platonic scenes are absurd and hilarious, and the sex scenes are hot…
The challenge is getting from the cheesy jokes to the exciting scenes without your libido being thrown off by the transition. Which isn’t necessarily easy, but at worst, you can just stick to watching one half of the film. The soft part or the pornographic part, your choice.
