Maïa Mazaurette’s article in Sexactu today (quite amusing, by the way), “Any woman”, left me pensive. This post highlighted the unappealing aspect, and the slim chances of success that erotic classifieds have when the poster is openly unselective.
Indeed, an individual claiming to be ready to grope at anything that deigns to come within reach, that is hardly tempting.
But what about the advertisers who are not without ambition, and spell out very precise criteria, or over-detailed requests ? Will they be successful?
Internet, the genius, has given me a few clues. I’ll let you see for yourselves…
Seeking a herd of young ladies wanting their orifices probed
“So give in to temptation!”
This gentleman works in events. Think about it, for girls’ drinks or hen dos, a little gynaecological check-up between mates, it can be a nice way to get the evening off to a good start, just after the crisps. No?
The attempt shows so much hope that it becomes almost cute… And besides, if you don’t try, you won’t get anything.
(If you happen to find this gentleman’s offer quite enticing, do get in touch with me too; I’ll probably think of a few kinky things to make you do… Why not? No risk, no reward, right?)
Wanted: a stinking, clawed demon
Have you been letting yourself go a bit physically, and your ego is suffering? You’ve lost your nail clippers and your soap, and since then, you’ve been sad?
Don’t panic, this nice boy will comfort you. In fact, he fantasises about big, stinking, clawed feet. It’s exactly you, isn’t it? There you go. Now go have a fuck, and don’t forget to scratch with your huge nails that reek.
What, not very flattering, all that? What, so if you’re feeling insulted, you’d prefer to use your enormous feet to kick his arse? These stinkers are really making themselves out to be difficult!
Go naked AND wear fur
It would seem we’re dealing with pros here, because the porn film streamed on the web in complete discretion, is a technique that must require quite a bit of control.
Still, you need plenty of discretion, to escape the buckets of paint after having fornicated on camera, wearing nothing but flayed animal skins…
Cheaper than a laundrette
Using a underwear fetishist as a laundrette ? This idea, posted among erotic personal ads, is worth considering…
Unfortunately, this very well-intentioned boy only washes one garment at a time, which significantly reduces the effectiveness of his approach. And what about ironing? What’s more, he refuses to wash the doilies and the nylon nightcaps, which is disgraceful!
Erotic classifieds: outfit bonus
No, I haven’t nicked anything from LoL Annonces. And I didn’t have to look long. Internet is great…
Illustration: Les Romains de la décadence, Thomas Couture (1847), Musée d’Orsay, Paris.
