The idea isn’t mine and is far from brand new, but I always get a laugh when I see the quirky Google searches that end up on a blog. I’ll leave you to imagine my joy when I discovered certain keywords that led a few lost netizens here:
- “A hand in Ginette’s pussy” : Glamour. Blame Gégé and Ginette for their naughties there.
- “Hey, do you want to see my alien dick?” : Eh… For the proposition, no thank you… For the keyword, it holds up. That’s what happens when you cram “hey, do you want to see my dick?” into article titles. However, the near answer to this request was found on Wikipedia, illustrating the “penis” article (mind the link: it’s on display in a museum, it’s not really alien, but it really is gross).
- “He hi he ho Snow White is doing porn” : That’s because of the anal dwarf. Dear curious little one, instead try the keyword “White Arse and the Seven Hands”, you might find your happiness.
- “My dick is fluorescent” : I have a feeling that the phosphorescent condoms are what guided Google here. If you’ve gained superpowers, that’s cool. Otherwise, head for A&E quickly.
- “See a dick on the internet” : “You know what? Apparently, you can see dicks on the internet! They said so on TV!” “Oh, really? Interesting… I’ll go on the internet, then… Um… What is “internet”, actually?”
- “Sextoys for a dwarf” : I didn’t know dwarves needed specialised sex toys. Another prank by the anal dwarf.
- “Example of a duck pond” : Sorry if the ducks vibrate a bit… But also, you have no idea what you’re looking for…
- “A wouak” : Wouak? Well, I just learned thanks to Wiktionary that for Québécois, “to let out a wouak” can mean to cry out or make a phone call. For me, “wouak?” is just an onomatopoeia of vaguely horrified astonishment with no etymology, but I’m not Québécoise.
- “Testing flipper intensity” : Well, that’s the fault of the dolphin. As for flipper in the sense of “being scared” or the ball game, I’m left wondering.
- “Sextoy in a glasses case” : At the time, I thought “what a strange fantasy, after all…”. Then I remembered the vibrator Onye, from the brand Big Teaze Toys, which really looks like a glasses case.
A compulsive sex toy collector whose stash now dwarfs my wardrobe, I review every new toy with a critic's sharp eye.
