Eve de Candaulie is the author of two autobiographical novels, “My Husband is a Wonderful Man” and “The Promised Infidelity”, as well as the guide “Dare to Candaulise”. She also maintains a blog dedicated to sexuality in all its forms.
As you’ve probably guessed from her pseudonym, Eve and her husband have an open sexuality and practise candaulism.
Eve de Candaulie agreed to answer our questions in an interview.
How long have you been in a relationship with your husband?
Eve de Candaulie: Over fifteen years… That’s massive!
Were you already into the libertine lifestyle before you met, or did you get into it together?
Alex had a thing for BDSM, I was a bit fickle, we discovered the libertine community together through Netéchangisme (now Wyylde).
How long have you been practising candaulism? And gang bangs?
Almost fifteen years. Candaulism came at the same time as gang bangs in our relationship, when my lover at the time invited two friends to have fun one evening together.
What pushed you to write books? Is it a way of sharing your point of view with the people around you?
At the time, I couldn’t really find a heroine I could identify with. I felt a deep disconnect between my ‘vertical’ life and my ‘horizontal’ one. Since then, I’m mostly happy that other people recognise themselves or are inspired by my stories.
Do you also do swapping or more classic mix-and-match (vs candaulism only)? Does your husband ever have sex with other women?
Yes, yes, yes. Our practices are very eclectic. What matters is the feeling, the atmosphere in which we navigate. We adapt, we follow our desires and the opportunities that present themselves. We don’t feel obliged to take part either, it happens that we stay in cuddly couple mode at a big party.
I imagine there’s not much jealousy left now, but was there any in the past, or were there situations that made one of you jealous?
Yes, I’m jealous by nature, but I feel comfortable with that emotion because we’ve been through so much together with my husband. And for him, thanks to candaulism, jealousy is a factor of excitement.
What’s your record in terms of number of participants at one time?
I don’t know. I’d say about a dozen in one evening.
Do you keep count of your total number of partners? If so, what is it?
Smile. I once answered a survey about bisexual people. You could enter your number of partners in 3 digits. So, I posted a comment to complain. I don’t know the exact figure, I stopped counting a long time ago. But it’s a four-figure number according to my personal estimate.
Among your regular lovers, have any of them ever gotten a bit too attached to your taste? If so, how did you handle it?
There’s good attachment and bad attachment… But to make my life easier, I always ask myself whether the relationship is good for me, whether I feel fulfilled. If so, it’s good attachment (it feels good to say I love you to a lover, male or female).
Otherwise, it’s bad attachment, there can be an indescribable hold and regardless of the cause, I look at what it does to me. I handle the situation as best I can, by explaining to the person that I look for joy in life above all. Sometimes, I go quiet, and the person doesn’t ask for any either.
How do you manage the risks, regarding STIs, men who don’t behave properly, etc.?
I pay attention to the basic guidelines on sexual health (washing your hands before touching a vulva, that’s elementary; using condoms too). After that, I’m aware that there’s no such thing as zero risk. I get tested regularly.
Are any of your close people aware of your practices? Or do you lead a double life?
My friends know. My family knows we go to the naturist and libertine camp at Cap d’Agde in the summer. My neighbours know there’s a naughty woman in the building. But otherwise, concretely day to day, I lead a double life.
What’s the most eccentric scenario you’ve ever done?
Very, very difficult question. I’ll still go with the scenario we did with Alex and three men on the roof of a building under construction facing the Eiffel Tower on the evening of 14th July, during and after the fireworks. It was dangerous to climb the ladder in twelve-centimetre heels but it was fabulous as a view. Honestly grandiose!
How do you choose your partners? On what criteria?
It depends. On dating sites, it’s Alex who chooses for me on criteria of beauty, wickedness, maturity in their interactions. And me, at parties, it just feels natural. Something happens or I just catch the eye of someone I like.
Have you ever used a gang bang organiser?
Yesii. Two gang bang organisers became friends: Z of Gang Bangs Hards (ed. note: whom we interviewed a while ago) and Pamy of Gang-Bangs.Org.
Would you have any advice to give to couples who want to try the candaulistic experience? Tips for making sure everything goes well? Pitfalls to avoid, perhaps?
Read “Dare to Candaulise”, I wrote it as much for men who have this fantasy as for women who don’t necessarily understand what kind of life their partner is dragging them into. My basic advice is to not judge what excites the other person. To create a virtuous circle, you have to love to love, love yourself, then the other, then all the others ;)
A huge thank you to Eve de Candaulie for agreeing to answer our questions.
- Visit her blog.
- Find Eve de Candaulie on Twitter, on her Facebook page and on Instagram.
