The Lovehoney shop asked us to test its sexy Advent calendar.
This adults-only calendar skips the traditional chocolates. Instead, it lets you discover a new sexy surprise every day, from 1 December to Christmas Eve. That makes twenty-four sex toys or erotic accessories in all.
“It’s too early to think about Christmas!”, you might reply. Except that, unlike their chocolate-filled cousins, which flood the supermarkets and go for next to nothing once the festive season is over, sexy Advent calendars from online sex shops are generally limited editions.
In short, if you want to get your hands on one, it’s best to plan ahead.
Here’s our review of the Lovehoney sexy Advent calendar.
What’s the point of a sexy Advent calendar?
Bundles of sex toys, like ‘boxes’, for example, don’t usually appeal to me much. After all, you don’t get to choose what you receive, and they often contain fairly poor-quality sex toys or sample-sized products. And I think it’s better to invest in one effective, well-chosen sex toy than a pile of tat.
But I like the idea of a sexy Advent calendar, which keeps the excitement going throughout December. The element of surprise is preserved every single day.
And Lovehoney’s preview photos of its calendar hinted at some rather promising items.
First impressions of the Lovehoney sexy Advent calendar
The Lovehoney Sexy Advent Calendar is pleasant to look at. It’s a fairly large cardboard box that unfolds into two panels.
Purple, with gold decorations, it bears the Lovehoney logo. And on the back, the shop’s slogan.
A closer look gives you an idea of the kinds of items this calendar contains. But if you don’t focus too much on the details, it looks like the less naughty adult Advent calendars, filled with beauty products, candles or teas.
The calendar has twenty-four perforated doors. Hidden behind each one is a sex toy or erotic accessory. It costs 135 euros, which, if you do the maths, works out at just over five euros per surprise.
It’s worth bearing in mind that many of the sex toys we’ve tested cost more individually than this calendar. That’s true, for example, of most Womanizer toys, the excellent dildos from Vixen Creations, and quite a few Lelo or Fun Factory vibrators. So, of course, we shouldn’t expect the same level of quality.
So, despite our high standards when it comes to sex toy quality, we’ll try to be a little more lenient.
The surprises in the sexy Advent calendar
To get a proper idea of what this calendar contains, we celebrated Christmas early, in a way, and at fast-forward speed… By opening all twenty-four doors at once!
Warning, spoilers! If you’d like to buy this calendar without me revealing the surprises inside, skip straight to the conclusion. But for the curious, let’s take a look together at what’s hidden behind the numbers.
The disappointing sexy surprises
Let’s start with the downsides. A few of the surprises in this calendar don’t live up to our expectations. What’s wrong with them? Let’s get into the details.
The impossible-to-scratch scratch cards
On day four, we find a set of sexy scratch cards. A little game for adults that lets chance decide the circumstances of your next cuddle: the activity, the place, the time, plus a little extra to spice things up.
It could have been a really nice idea.. Except these cards are quite simply impossible to scratch off. The silver coating won’t come off with a fingernail, while using a coin also tears away the area with the text, before you’ve managed to read a thing.
Armed with patience, a steady hand and a pair of nail scissors, I eventually managed to make out a few of the squares, but it was hard work. In short: good intentions, but a shoddy execution.
Four sex toys made from questionable materials
Among the surprises, there are three jelly sex toys: a penis sleeve and two cock rings. Plus a masturbator made from questionable material.
But, as I’ve explained before, jelly sex toys are best avoided. Their composition is unclear, they’re porous, and they sometimes contain phthalates or other harmful substances.
As for the masturbator, it smells strongly of plastic (like a lot of masturbators, sadly).
We placed it on a paper tablecloth to photograph it. What set alarm bells ringing was that, after about an hour, we realised it had stained the paper as it seeped.
You could argue that the point is to try out this type of sex toy, not to get a brilliant masturbator that you’ll keep for ever and ever.
One or two uses won’t put you at risk of poisoning. But if we’re going to get a disposable masturbator, a little Tenga Egg in its place would have been welcome.
The first surprise in the calendar is a mini bullet vibrator. A classic accessory, often used to add vibrations to other sex toys.
The catch: it runs on a button battery, which is an impractical and not particularly eco-friendly power source (rechargeable button batteries aren’t available).
Nipple covers
These self-adhesive nipple covers are pretty and well designed. However, they’re disposable, so as the day’s erotic surprise, they seem a little underwhelming.
The nice erotic surprises
Among the rather nice surprises, which make for a pleasant discovery:
Two finger vibrators
These are silicone sleeves that you can slip the little bullet vibrator I mentioned earlier into. Or another, more practical mini vibrator, if you have one.
Their shapes and textures are rather pleasant. One is curved and extends your finger to help you reach the G-spot. The other has a soft, bobbled tip to stimulate the clitoris.
Two thongs
Two thongs, one for men and one for women. They’re certainly not haute couture lingerie, but it’s nice that they thought about gender parity.
A feather duster
A little feather duster, in black and purple. As far as we’re concerned, a feather duster as an erotic accessory doesn’t really do it for us. Each to their own…
It’ll probably end its days as a cat toy. But I have to admit, it’s pretty and soft.
A massage accessory
This translucent midnight-blue accessory is for massaging your head or back.
A battery-powered vibrator
A little silicone vibrator that you can insert or use on your clitoris. This one runs on a regular battery. It’s nothing remarkable, but perfectly decent.
The really good surprises
A little bondage kit
It may not be top-of-the-range quality, but as the days go by, you discover one accessory after another in this little bondage kit.
It includes:
- Four cuffs: two for the wrists, two for the ankles,
- A small cross-shaped restraint to attach the cuffs to each other,
- Straps,
- A blindfold,
- A small BDSM restraint for attaching someone to a door,
This kit isn’t aimed at experienced BDSM enthusiasts, but it’s complete enough to explore and have fun. Its look is understated, a far cry from fur-lined cuffs.
Geisha balls
This pair of silicone Geisha balls, with removable balls, doesn’t have the internal bouncing steel weights found in Fun Factory Smartballs or Lelo Luna Beads.
So they’re a little less bouncy, but their quality is perfectly decent.
An anal plug
This little silicone anal plug, with its wide, flat base, is body-safe. Its small size makes it a good way to explore anal pleasure without going in too hard.
A little dildo
Well, it’s small, really small… It had to fit in a calendar, after all.
But this mini silicone dildo with a flat base, which looks a lot like the one supplied with the ‘Sex And Mischief’ harness we tested a very long time ago, is a quality sex toy. Like the plug in the previous paragraph, it’s a nice way to gently explore anal play.
A little rechargeable clitoral vibrator
This little rechargeable clitoral vibrator is a really nice sex toy.
Admittedly, it isn’t as high-quality as the equivalents from major brands, such as the Lelo Siri, for example.
Its main drawback: the first time you charge it, you have to pierce the silicone with the charger to find the socket. And I don’t know whether it’s waterproof; it doesn’t say.
Edit: it is indeed waterproof.
However, that’s hardly a fair comparison, since they’re not in the same price range at all.
But it’s a powerful and effective vibrator, and orgasms are guaranteed. Its charging cable plugs into a USB port and has a jack-style connector.
This sex toy is the final surprise, for 24 December, saving the best for last.
Conclusion
The good points:
- A sexy surprise every day for twenty-four days in a row… That’s enough to keep the erotic tension going all through December, a time that’s usually not very sexy, when we tend to focus a little too much on family meals, chocolates and toy catalogues for children… Adults deserve toys and surprises too!
- This sexy Advent calendar contains quite a few sex toys and accessories of very decent quality. They’re varied and well chosen to explore different sexual possibilities, from massage to anal play, with BDSM along the way.
- The calendar is presented really nicely; it’s pleasant to look at.
The bad points:
- A few very poor-quality accessories deserve to be replaced with better-made equivalents: the four sex toys made from questionable materials, the almost unusable scratch cards and the mini vibrator that runs on button batteries.
In short
With its advent calendar for adults, Lovehoney clearly set out to offer a fairly comprehensive range of adult toys to suit all tastes, for a thorough introduction to the world of sex toys.
Despite a few drawbacks, overall, this selection works well.
We particularly appreciate the choice to include a majority of silicone sex toys, although it’s a shame they didn’t go all the way and completely banish jelly toys from this calendar.
Although cock rings, masturbators and silicone penis sleeves are rarer, they do exist. And if you can’t find a body-safe equivalent within the budget for one of these toys, why not replace it with a bottle of organic lube, for example?
Its outside is appealing too: visually, it’s a beautiful calendar. It’s lovely to receive and makes you want to discover what’s inside.
If you already own a whole pile of sex toys, the surprises in this calendar will probably duplicate items in your collection. But if you’re just starting your exploration of adult toys, it’ll help you put together a lovely collection, with a bit of suspense, and make your December more erotic.
It’s a lovely Christmas present to give or treat yourself to in advance, to keep you going until the festive season.
Thanks to Lovehoney for providing us with the calendrier de l'Avent sexy for this review
An exclusive discount code for Objets de Plaisir readers:
Buy it from Lovehoney 15% off with this link
