A reader, who wished to remain anonymous, tells us about his gradual discovery of prostate massage.
Context: exploring your anus, as a straight man
Prejudices about this practice
For the majority of straight men, it’s unthinkable to even imagine “exploring” your anus. It’s a practice associated with homosexuality, and one that people label as “unmanly”… A myth that, unfortunately, has a long shelf life…
For a long time, being straight myself, I never imagined exploring that part of my anatomy…
The possibility of chaining orgasms in a row
But one day, I came across a video from a TV show in which a man described the benefits prostate massage had had on him. This man made it clear that he was straight, that he had female partners… But it was mainly his account, and his mention of the possibility of chaining orgasms in a row, that really got me thinking.
So I set about looking for articles, and I searched for other people who practised prostate massage. I read a few reviews along the same lines. They all made me genuinely want to give it a try…
At the time, not having any sextoys, I was armed with nothing but my own fingers. I tried several times to reach my prostate using only my hand, but in the end, nothing particularly striking and no particular sensation… In short, a total flop and I gave up…
Discovering the Aneros
A few years later, I came across other articles again, and I watched the video again, and it was then that I wanted to find out about that famous sextoy: the Aneros…
So I looked for quite a few reviews and testimonials, and I came across the “Aneros treatise” (a note from Elle et Lui: from our friend NouveauxPlaisirs), a document that is supposed to help you reach that very goal….
So that was it, perhaps, the problem? I started looking for which sextoys might help me reach that orgasm. My research led me to the Aneros Helix.
It was armed with this sextoy that I decided to give it another go….
Discovering prostate massage
First of all, it’s important to understand that for me, anal penetration had only ever gone as far as inserting a finger as an attempt to discover the prostate…
Taking the plunge
The first difficulty was therefore to take the plunge and insert an object of a larger size… In my case – and this isn’t meant as advice, or as a directive, it’s just my situation -, for this discovery, my first step was to have a shower and relax. The aim being to feel “psychologically clean”. Well, of course, because for someone who’s just starting out, the “dirty” connotation remains. For me, this step remains, even over time, a necessary “preparation” for the session.
Once properly clean and dry, I then lubricated my anus, and lubricated the Aneros.
Unlike the position that’s quite often recommended – namely, the fetal position, which has never been comfortable for me (I’m never comfortable when positioned on the shoulder) – , I preferred to go for the fully lying-down position, a pillow and a towel under my bottom to elevate it.
The Aneros Helix, well lubricated, went in without any difficulty: no pain was felt, thankfully.
The relaxation phase
The first major step, and one that is of paramount importance, is to relax, to get your body used to this foreign object. This step requires chaining long, deep breaths. You breathe in through your nose, fully, and you breathe out slowly through your mouth, always fully. And you keep going.
My body not being used to penetrations, in those early phases, during the breathing, my anus would contract involuntarily. The relaxation phase is truly paramount, it’s when I feel properly relaxed that I can go further and control the rest. The treatise talks about it a lot, but I’m also emphasising it, it’s a paramount step, which can last up to 20 minutes, it needs to be adapted to each person. Concretely, apart from that benefit, you mainly gain a great deal of relaxation…
The contractions
Once properly relaxed, the first time, I tried doing contractions. But after two hours, having got nothing, I stopped. It turned out I’d misunderstood things, the contractions need to be held for 10 to 20 seconds, then released, and not released straight away.
On the other hand, you must not touch your penis, so as not to lose the “internal” sensations in our body.
So this first time was a failure. Concretely, I’d felt pleasure during the movements of the Aneros, but nothing more. No orgasm, or anything. But that’s normal: you clearly mustn’t expect to get there the first time…
In search of the prostate orgasm
Despite this failure, I tried again, a week later. So I did exactly the same preparation, a preparation that I still carry out to this day….
Holding the contractions
Once properly relaxed, this time I held my contractions. This time, I felt a quite intense pleasure during the contractions, at the level of the prostate. It didn’t correspond to what was described, but it did come from my prostate. I was able to chain this sensation several times in a row.
This sensation could be reproduced at every session, but it still didn’t really correspond to what was promised. And even if, with all this help, I’d been able to get that great pleasure in only two sessions, it still wasn’t the same….
A beneficial rest
The big plus I discovered is that I come out of these sessions totally relaxed, the act of contracting the anus, the position and the breathing, leave me in a state of beneficial rest. Indeed, it’s a bit like after long stretching sessions, physically, the body is relaxed.
The prostate orgasm
It was at the fifth or sixth session that I finally managed to discover this prostate orgasm…
To achieve this, I had to do as usual, but I realised that, contrary to what was said in the Aneros treatise, I didn’t need to do small contractions, but on the contrary to go further, gradually. After doing this several times, while staying contracted, I tried to give a bit of rhythm to the contractions, to take the rhythm you feel when ejaculation occurs (contract, release, etc). Suddenly, during the deep contraction, the sensation at the level of the prostate intensified, an intense pleasure appeared, and the contractions started on their own !!! So that’s it, the prostate orgasm!
The best part is that all you have to do is release, then contract again, and when the pressure on the prostate hits, it all starts again !!! And this sensation can be chained a good number of times…
There is no ejaculation, but the contractions chain in rhythm, as during ejaculation.
So I too managed to discover this sensation.
Tips for discovering prostate massage
Timing: relaxation and perseverance
- Allow plenty of time for your sessions… At least an hour to an hour and a half (including the shower, etc). It’s really necessary: you need to start with the mindset “I’ve got time, I’ll take my time”, not have an appointment or anything that could make you interrupt the thing…
- I’ve already said this above: the relaxation step is truly paramount and that’s also why the sessions are long.
- Don’t impose too intense a session rhythm on yourself, especially… Once a week at most, that’s the advice… Once you’ve got the hang of it, perhaps you can increase to twice, but you need to give your body time… Especially for those who, like me, aren’t used to penetration, you can have some lingering sensations if you do it too close together (I’m not talking about the prostate, but about the anus).
- You probably won’t get there the first time, that’s normal. Persevere, leave time between your attempts and take your time. Don’t try to go on for too long either, it’s not about having pain in the anus either…
The atmosphere
- In my case, I noticed that I could really only feel everything properly when I was well relaxed, without distraction (no radio), but without any erotic elements. That is to say, it’s best to start discovering it on your own, and perhaps without a film or atmosphere that could distract you… You need to let your thoughts wander, and focus on your sensations.
- As just said, I think it’s really something to discover alone at first. Anyway, after that, it’s up to you, but it takes time, and feeling.
- With the Aneros inserted, it is equally possible to do a masturbation or a “traditional” sexual encounter… The erection will be all the more important, and the ejaculation will be both much more intense, stronger… A little bonus that can also be nice in a couple…
Conclusion
Discovering the pleasures of the prostate is really worth it (well, personally, I really don’t regret it at all…). It doesn’t replace “normal” masturbation, or classic sex, but it’s a different complement.
The feeling of well-being that comes from it is really a bonus. Even if you don’t reach the prostate orgasm, the Aneros inserted during intercourse (or classic masturbation) still brings a bonus during the orgasm. That bonus alone is already worth it, I think.
No, the pleasures of the prostate, and of anal penetration, are not reserved for gay men.
Unfortunately, it will take a long time for that connotation to disappear… It’s with this initiation that I tell myself that penetration with a plug must also be nice to discover. And with a strap-on, perhaps even that you can feel the same thing when penetrated by your partner… It’s something to test and discover.
There’s still the problem of bringing it up in a couple… Male anal penetration is associated in people’s minds with homosexuality. And telling your girlfriend that you’d like her to penetrate you with a strap-on, it’s really not straightforward… If you have any tips on how to bring up the subject and discuss it, I think that would be useful for everyone. ;-)
Without going that far, it’s obvious that it may be possible to combine a standard massage with a prostate massage, if you manage to reach that orgasm while being accompanied in that way. Some manage to share this pleasure as a couple. But I think you still need to be well “practised” on your own before being able to really share it as a couple.
So ladies, accept that they discover it on their own in your absence before being able to really share it with you. ;-)
Illustration: Flickr gallery by Ulisse Albiati, Creative Commons.
