In a previous article, I mentioned the existence of niche dating sites, each more bizarre than the last.
You love big feet and red noses so much that you hope to find those qualities in a potential lover? Do you prefer wands, pointy hats and black masses by moonlight? Or is your thing more silky manes and rainbows? Spaceships? Booze? Disney? Are you gluten intolerant and fed up with dates regularly offering you sandwiches and toast?
Whatever your likes or dislikes, provided they’re very specific and crucial to your search for a soulmate, you may find your other half on a specialist site.
So here we are with a roundup of the most unusual niche dating sites you might come across in every corner of the internet.
A dating site for macho men
Rencontres-Machos.com
Its slogan: “Macho Dating: For women who like old-fashioned men!”
Ladies, are you dying to iron the dirty laundry of a greasy-haired slob? This is the dating site for you.
Find love through genetic compatibility
Genepartner.com
GenePartner offers to help you find a partner through “genetic compatibility”. At first glance, you might think it’s about tracking down someone whose genome, when combined with yours, would give you offspring with a greatly reduced risk of genetic diseases. Which could, at a pinch, come in handy if your mission is to reproduce in order to repopulate Earth after the near-extermination of humanity, for example.
But no. The site trots out scientific terminology to establish a scale of “genetic attraction”, which is then applied to an analysis of your DNA in order to suggest potential partners, and tell you what kind of interest (intimacy or affection?) you might develop in them.
It’s made quite clear that this genetic attraction has nothing whatsoever to do with physical attraction… You might find the people suggested visually repulsive, but if science guarantees you’ll inevitably feel an unconscious and inexplicable attraction in the presence of this ugly mug, who are you to argue? It’ll set you back a modest $249 for the DNA test. If you think it sounds remarkably like a modernised form of astrology, you’re not alone.
A dating site for people who are gluten intolerant
GlutenFreeSingles.com
Why get hung up on irrelevant criteria such as your partner’s looks or personality? Focus on what really matters: is there gluten on their plate?
For meeting clowns
ClownDating.com
Coulrophiles have reason to rejoice, and coulrophobes have reason to hide their heads under their pillows and tremble. There’s a site for meeting clowns.
Driven by an unhealthy curiosity, I tried signing up, just to see whether it was a real, functioning site (the clown couple on the homepage is seriously creepy…), using a disposable email address and a male profile. I found that ClownDating did indeed list female members, but none had a red nose in her profile picture (seeing more cost money). But where are the lady clowns?
Dating for witches and wizards
WitchDating.com
Want to pull Harry or Hermione? Or are you more attracted to Dumbledore’s little beard? If your love potion has gone tits up, make up for it by signing up to this dating site for witches and wizards.
For Harry Potter fans (Muggles)
DatingForMuggles.com
Did Hagrid never come to collect you and take you to Hogwarts? Don’t be sad, there are dating sites for Muggles too.
For My Little Pony fans
BronyMate.com
The Brony community—adults who are fans of the My Little Pony cartoon—is growing online. So it’s only natural that there should be a site for finding a partner who also loves rainbow ponies.
A dating site for Star Trek fans
Trekdating.com
Could a few dirty words in Klingon set off a supernova in your pants? Thanks to this dating site for Star Trek fans, you might find someone who’ll dock their ship perfectly with yours.
A dating site for ugly people
TheUglyBugBall.com
Is your self-esteem a bit flabby when it comes to your looks? Struggling to find a soulmate, and suspect your appearance isn’t exactly helping? No problem, this dating site will finish the job and crush your spirits by calling you a dog itself. You’ll have nothing left to lose, and perhaps you’ll then agree to mate with a creature as hideous as you. See? Happiness is simple.
For dog owners
Rencontre-toutou.fr
Do you remember the love at first sight between the two human leads at the start of 101 Dalmatians, thanks to their mutts deciding to sniff each other’s bottoms? Does that make you dream? It could happen to you, but as your dog is probably less picky than you are, you might as well force fate’s hand by looking online for a dog owner who’s right for you.
For cat lovers
Purrsonals.com
No need for jealousy: cat lovers have their own dating site too. Thanks to Purrsonals, you can swap lolcats with your potential conquests without looking like an idiot.
For Disney fans
MouseMingle.com
Do Mickey and Minnie represent the perfect couple for you? Or are you more of a Donald and Daisy type? To stop that bastard Gladstone Gander from nabbing your future conquest, hurry up and meet them on MouseMingle, the dating site exclusively for Disney fans.
For wine lovers
Vinealove.com
Did your latest date serve you a glass of plonk as an aperitif, sending you running for the hills? This dating site exclusively for wine lovers will save you from suffering that sort of ordeal again.
For ship captains
SeaCaptainDate.com
Are your fantasies called Haddock, Hook, Cousteau, Igloo or Jack Sparrow? Do you like rum and salt water? Sea Captain Date might be the site that helps you find your ideal man.
Are you a boat captain? No more loneliness at sea: thanks to 4G, you can find your sweetheart and chat with her from your proud vessel.
A journalist from Jezebel magazine investigated whether this improbable dating site was genuine. She was put in touch by phone with a user, who told her about her romance with a ship’s captain she’d met on SeaCaptainDate. That proves nothing, since the person she spoke to could still be in cahoots with the site’s owner. But if it’s a fake, someone is going to a lot of trouble to make it seem credible.
A dating site for ghosts
Ghostsingles.com
Ghost Singles is a very particular niche dating site: it’s aimed exclusively at ghosts who want to meet other ghosts. To flirt online from beyond the grave, all you have to do is say whether you’re a male or female ghost, the sex of the ghost you want to meet, your age (from 18 to over 100) and your type of death (horrific, mysterious, sudden, tragic).
A few warnings appear on its homepage. First, if you’re alive, you’re in the wrong place to pull. Sign up for a dating site for mortals instead. No undead either: zombies and vampires aren’t welcome. And finally, don’t expect to find a husband or wife there, because no priest will agree to marry two ghosts.
It’s obviously a parody, designed to promote a dating site for the living that, it seems, never saw the light of day (or… died?).
