Here is a top of sex toys tested on Objets de Plaisir in 2012.
I spared you an article about the Christmas sex toys. I just had to make you put up with something related to the end-of-year festivities. The end of the year, the time for round-ups and best-of lists of every kind.
Top sex toys of 2013: the best
Best clitoral vibrator
The Smart Wand by LELO (Medium or Large, whichever you prefer, I can’t make up my mind) triumphantly wins the best clitoral vibrator award.
A device that manages to stay pretty and practical, while giving you an orgasm in a few seconds. As a bonus, it has no pastel shades, and even manages to be waterproof. The Holy Grail, I’m telling you.
Have you heard a lot of good things about the Fairy? Bear in mind that the Smart Wand is a bit like the Fairy, but with an aesthetic sense.
Best godemiché
Well, now I might as well admit that I have a bit of a problem with the word “godemiché” (which is apparently also spelled “godemichet”). It sounds a bit like “Michel’s gode”, I think. My apologies to all the Michaels reading this, but Michel isn’t terribly sexy as a name.
Anyway. Best dildo, then: the Nobessence Fling. A little wooden thing that looks more like a bottle opener than a sex toy, very small, but it stimulates the area associated with the “point G” to perfection.
Bonus: it works just as flawlessly as an anal sex toy.
Best rabbit
Best rabbit: once again, LELO wins the trophy, with the INA 2.
This rabbit is packed with proof of good taste. For a start, it doesn’t have a rabbit face. Next, it isn’t pink. And, above all, it’s very powerful.
And to top it all, even though that’s not the quality that interests me most, it manages to be waterproof. A green aqua-rabbit. It all feels like a mutant rabbit.
Best mini vibrator
Best mini vibrator: the We Vibe Touch.
A mini vibrator that manages to be both powerful enough and… soft.
We often underestimate the importance of vibrator texture. I insist: anything that comes into contact with a clitoris should be (at least a little) soft and/or pliable and/or gentle.
What’s more, the Touch has the merit of fitting perfectly in the palm of your hand.
Best male sex toy
Best male sex toy: the Tenga Eggs.
These rather unusual Easter eggs are no longer really a novelty. But with their simplicity, their ability to heighten sensations without losing the “feel” of unaided masturbation, and their very low price, they are a benchmark in male sex toys.
The fact that they are sold as single-use is admittedly a bit off-putting (if you stick to this rule, handjobs get pretty expensive, after all…). With good hygiene, however, you can make them last long enough to use them a few times.
Best harness
Best harness: the Joque, by SpareParts HardWear.
Well, okay, it was easy; we’ve only tested one on this blog. But then again, we’ve seen others, and far less cool ones.
The Joque seemed truly in a different league. A solid, ultra-comfortable, perfectly adjustable harness. I dare you to find a harness as (or even more) cool.
Anyway, if you do, I’d be keen.
The most something
The highest-tech sex toy
The Minna Ola wins the award for the highest-tech sex toy.
This vibrator “listens” to the rhythms and pressure levels you exert on its sensor, and reproduces them continuously.
Sure, we’ve already seen more sophisticated gadgets on Earth… But when it comes to sex toys, that’s not bad.
It’s all user-friendly enough for your guinea pig to be able to “program” it without your help.
The bulkiest sex toy
Without the slightest hesitation, the Rock Box deserves the most cumbersome sex toy award.
Umm… Sex toy? Are you sure? Isn’t this thing a circular saw?
This machine—very powerful, admittedly—isn’t exactly a looker when it comes to decor. And it won’t fit in your handbag. At a pinch, you could always try to squeeze your handbag inside it, which would probably be easier. And it makes enough noise to wake up the whole neighbourhood, for miles around.
On the other hand, if you’re looking for a fucking machine, something a bit impressive, you’re in for it. Notice to curiosity lovers: the Rock Box is no longer made. If you want one, you’ll have to pounce on any remaining stock.
The noisiest
As you’ll have gathered from the previous paragraph, the Rock Box wins tongue hands down the trophy of the device for the noisiest sex toy.
The coolest packaging
I was quite torn about choosing the winner of this category.
I must say, there was a high standard. Between the LELO boxes, always true to their reputation, the one from the Zini Roae, of the same kind, the one from the Luxotiq Lyssa which seems completely innocent with its ribbons and soft tones, and the original red box from the We Vibe Thrill.
I’ve finally opted for the packaging of the Mr Smooth, from Pipedream’s Metal Wörx range.
A small case made of metal and plastic, ultra-sturdy, well padded, and with a secure closure, to protect a sex toy that is already hardly afraid of anything (other than the risk of damaging the tiles, or your little toe, if it were to fall on them).
The classiest
To be classy even with something up your arse? It’s possible, thanks to the Tailbud, with its delicate patterns and its genuine hair tail.
For that alone, it more than deserves its place as the classiest sex toy. Well, I admit that’s very subjective, and it’s quite possible that the prospect of wearing such an accessory wouldn’t excite you at all.
But at the same time, this ranking is subjective: it’s just my opinion on the sex toys I’ve come across.
Happy New Year!
