Les ABDL (Adult Babies / Diaper Lovers) are adults who enjoy behaving and dressing like babies, and/or wearing nappies.
Their practices are often denigrated, mocked or considered taboo, and are sometimes even called “serious”.
Admittedly, they are uncommon. But let’s remember that these are activities between consenting adults, which harm no one and pose no danger.
While browsing the Subreddit dedicated to ABDL, I came across several discussions about the reasons for and ways of practising this fetish. Indeed, for some people, it’s more of a lifestyle than a simple fetish.
Here’s a translation of a few excerpts.
ABDL vocabulary
First, a quick note on the vocabulary used:
- “Littles” or “ABs” (Adult Babies) are people who enjoy pretending to be babies.
- “DLs” (Diaper Lovers) are people who enjoy wearing nappies.
- A “mommy” / a “daddy” / a “big” is someone who looks after a “little”.
- As in BDSM, a “switch” is someone who alternates between roles.
As far as I know, these terms don’t have commonly used equivalents in French, so I’ve kept the English terms to avoid any confusion.
ABDL practices, from the point of view of “littles” and diaper lovers
The first thread that caught my attention was one in which a visitor politely asks what the appeal of ABDL practices is. Here’s a translation of a few replies:
“The attraction is different for everyone, but there are common themes”
I think very few of us can point to a specific trigger and say “It’s because of that. I like nappies because of that one specific moment.”.
As with most things “on the fringes of society”, it’s probably a mixture of genetics and conditioning.
If you do a few simple Google searches about fetishism in general, you’ll find lots of articles about the origins of fetishes, which invariably end up concluding that nobody really knows. Most of them are very poorly written. In fact, their authors often focus solely on the negative aspects of fetishism, and on cases of psychiatric significance, rather than on the vast majority of us who have harmless fetishes, which can ultimately simply be seen as harmless fantasies, part of the normal diversity of life.
Those are, however, the two explanations most often discussed: the innate, conditioning, and a subtle blend of the two.
The attraction is different for everyone, of course, and each of us can only speak for ourselves. But there are common themes.
From a non-sexual point of view, comfort and care are the main aspects. I’ll say it again: not everyone sees things this way. But many people do.
From a sexual point of view (and some will tell you that this doesn’t apply to them either), well, it’s sexual. The attraction comes from the fact that it’s exciting and pleasurable.
If there were a simple answer to why all this happens, many of us wouldn’t have had to do so much soul-searching as we grew up, because another recurring theme is self-loathing, shame, depression, purging (getting rid of the paraphilia), and so on.
It can take a long time to work through all that and reach a point of self-acceptance. The internet age helps a lot, of course, because there are now resources for beginners to help explain this weird thing they’re feeling …
“A return to an easier time in our lives”
Some people won’t agree with calling it a “fetish”, but it’s probably the closest term there is, so that’s fine.
Speaking for the AB side (editor’s note: “Adult Baby”), I think most of us do this because it reassures us. It’s a return to an easier time in our lives, when there were far fewer things to be stressed about.
It’s really just a way for us to forget the problems of our adult lives for a little while. I’ve heard a lot of people tell me, “Don’t grow up too quickly, you’ll miss your childhood”, and for me, we’re simply taking that advice seriously.
“Both a sexual thrill and a sense of security”
For me, I feel both a sexual thrill and a sense of security when I pretend to be little. Being in my “daddy’s” arms (he’s also my boyfriend) gives me a feeling of well-being and security. Yes, it turns me on sexually, but I don’t always act on it. There are times when it doesn’t turn me on.
And when I wear nappies, I have different degrees of “wearing them because I’m horny” versus “wearing them in little mode”. Some days I wear them purely for sexual gratification, some days it’s to feel little, and there’s a whole range of stages in between.
“The idea of wearing nappies was a ‘taboo’ thing I loved”
The brain is a messy, confusing and bewildering thing.
Personally, I always wanted to wear nappies again when I was a kid, and I’ve wanted to ever since I stopped wearing them.
The sexual aspect probably comes from the fact that I never discovered there was a community around it, or that it was an acceptable thing, until puberty and the start of my sexual development.
The idea of wearing nappies was a “taboo” thing I loved, so naturally, the idea turned me on a lot.
With the stupid hormonal craziness of puberty, that regular excitement also turned into sexual excitement, and I just went with it. Those connections have grown stronger over time, and now I’m an unabashed fetishist, as well as a cute, cuddly “little”!
“An object that is both comforting and sexual”
One of my earliest memories dates back to when I was about five. I remember sneaking out of my house and lying down in a hole in the ground. As I did, I remember imagining that the hole, the soft earth and the enclosed space were the embrace of some kind of nurturing mother. I remember pretending she was holding me tightly against her and refusing to let me go. It was so comforting. I desperately needed that feeling.
Around the same time, I discovered that I could get the same feeling of comfort from wearing my little brother’s nappies. At some point during puberty, I started to see nappies as a source of sexual excitement and got hooked.
So for me, it’s an object that is both comforting and sexual.
“Wearing nappies means it’s okay. That there’s nothing wrong with losing control”
There are as many reasons to love nappies as there are people who love them.
For me, it’s a mix of different things. I’ve wanted to wear nappies ever since I was about the age I stopped wearing them. I kept this huge secret all through my childhood, and it really weighed on me. At first, when I discovered I wasn’t the only monster in the universe, I thought it was just a fetish for me. I like the physical sensations caused by wearing and using nappies; it’s as simple as that.
I’m not going to lie: my sexual development was probably irrevocably shaped by how much I focused on this fetish when I discovered it. Lots of different fantasies can be linked to nappies, too. Fantasies about regression, losing control, humiliation, and so on.
Eventually, I realised that it wasn’t just sexual. Honestly, I just like wearing nappies and behaving as a “little” without any sexual activity involved, sometimes.
The comfort of the soft padding and the thickness between your legs feels nice, but there’s a sensation that keeps reminding you it’s there. Even when I’m not paying attention to the fact that I’m wearing nappies, what they mean to me still has some influence on my mood and state of mind, in a way.
Growing up, and even now, I’ve always been constantly afraid of getting things wrong, of doing things badly. As weird as it might sound, nappies somehow help me channel that fear. Normally, wetting your knickers is a horrible, huge problem that everyone can see and that’s really embarrassing. I’ve never had that kind of problem, but for some reason, it stuck in my mind as a child as one of the worst things that could happen, apart from dying or something like that.
Wearing nappies means it’s okay. That there’s nothing wrong with losing control, or not having that control in the first place. And if it’s completely okay for something as simple as that not to be done “properly”, so to speak, it proves to the strange patterns in my mind that sometimes it’s okay to mess other things up too. Being padded is just a constant reminder that you don’t have to be super mature all the time and that you don’t always have to get everything right. It’s okay to accept your nature, even if that nature is being more “little” than normal and wetting your knickers sometimes. After all, you can’t really help it, can you?
All in all, I think having this stupid fetish has helped me a lot.
Understanding that it was a real thing got me out of my mute phase as a cynical pre-teen otaku. And it’s pretty much the only reason I’ve been able to meet a bunch of really, really cool people I care about in my life. Maybe it’s stupid, and maybe I’m an idiot for attaching so much importance to it. I know that in itself, it has caused and will cause a lot of problems in my life, because it’s fucking weird. But I’d be a totally different person without it, and I’m not even sure I’d want to be that person.
So, yeah. I know I’m a bit weird and have strange tastes, but that’s not a bad thing. It’s just fate, I suppose. This is what I’ve become, and I accept it.
“I feel more attractive when I don’t deny this part of my sexuality”
Like a lot of people here, I’ve had this desire for as long as I can remember. And for me, it’s sexual. I don’t know the other side of it at all.
And I don’t know why, or what happened to trigger it. I had a healthy childhood with a loving family. My mum and dad were both good parents. I was popular at school and I see myself as a happily married young man who’s done well professionally.
But as far back as I can remember, I’ve always had an insatiable desire to wear a nappy, and I find women wearing nappies the most sexually exciting thing there is (I’d rather look at a woman in a nappy than see her naked).
I don’t focus on why, because then it would seem as if I were looking for something to “blame” for this behaviour, which would suggest that it was wrong or bad.
Instead, I know how it makes me feel. I feel more masculine, optimistic, confident, sexual and happy.
If I deny myself this part of myself for too long, I feel a bit flat, frustrated and even anxious about everyday things. I think it’s like repressing your sexuality: it only leads to very negative things.
On the contrary, nappies make me feel supported and secure. I associate attention, affection and intimacy with the vulnerability linked to this object. I’m more attracted to people and feel more attractive when I don’t deny this part of my sexuality. Overall, it’s a good thing. And it’s neither illegal nor harmful to anyone.
ABDL practices, from the point of view of “mommies” and “daddies”
In another Reddit thread, an “AB” asks “bigs” what they get out of looking after “adult babies”. Here are a few translated excerpts:
“Looking after someone else gives me a purpose and makes me happy”
From a “little’s” point of view, it takes a lot of trust to be so vulnerable in front of someone and let them take complete care of you. As a “daddy”, earning that trust is the greatest reward. Being able to look after someone else gives me a purpose and makes me happy.
“A kind, but absolute, form of power”
I’m a switch (editor’s note: someone who alternates between the roles of “little” and “daddy”/“mommy”). I started out exclusively as a “little”, and over time I ended up looking after others, to the point where I had “littles” of my own.
Honestly, what I get out of it varies with each “little” I look after. But I’ve noticed a whole range of things it can give me, depending on the person.
In particular:
– The adrenaline rush and warmth caused by this deep connection. When a “little” looks at me with those wide eyes that say they trust me, need me and have no boundaries with me, it’s intoxicating.
– The joy of sharing things with them “for the first time”, over and over again. Little things like washing their hands, singing the alphabet, talking about their feelings, reading together, are so emotionally satisfying.
– Deep physical intimacy. It warms my heart and turns me on to know that when I’m looking after a “little”, I have (and must have) total access to their body. I can touch them wherever I want, whenever I want. Changing a “little’s” nappy means I can put my finger inside their bottom if I feel like it. Being responsible for their behaviour means that if I decide to, I can pull down their trousers and underwear to give them a spanking. It’s a kind, but absolute, form of power.
– Being idolised: “littles” tend to see their “bigs” through rose-tinted glasses. We’re attractive and intelligent and strong and trustworthy. “Littles” see us at our best. It’s exhilarating.
– Being able to build a connection and repeated rituals. “In our house, we tell stories before going to bed at 9 o’clock.” Things like that are as comforting and familiar to me as a “Big” as they are as a “Little”.
– A form of gender-neutral sensuality. Some of my “littles” like sexual things. They like being masturbated while their nappies are being changed, while others prefer more innocent games. But either way, there’s this lovely intimacy without a specific goal, and a tactile aspect that feels really good. One of my “littles” likes sitting on my lap while I stroke and rub the bottom of their nappy for hours. I love it too.
“It feels so good to look after the person you love”
I really like being the “mommy” sometimes, even though most of the time I’m the “little” in my relationship with my boyfriend. It’s so nice to look after the person you love, change them and play with them. The care and giving create a really strong bond between us. He knows I’m there for him at any time; he can trust me, whatever happens.
He says it comes naturally to me to be a mum who sometimes spoils her little person too much. But that’s in my nature; I can’t help looking after my “little” and giving them the very best.
“He needs me, and it’s a wonderful feeling”
Being a “mommy” is wonderfully rewarding and satisfying! Looking after my “little” brings me so much joy. It feels good to be deeply responsible for someone’s happiness. I mean so much to him, he needs me, and it’s a wonderful feeling.
I’m a “daddy” because I love looking after my submissive
I didn’t “come from” the ABDL world (put like that, it sounds very science fiction).
Originally, I’m just a BDSM dom. And then I found a sweet submissive who also happens to be an AB (editor’s note: Adult Baby).
As a dom (a caring and attentive one), I naturally tend to look after my submissive.
She first told me she had ABDL fantasies. I replied that it wasn’t my thing, but I didn’t mind as long as I didn’t take part in it.
Then, seeing how good and relaxed she felt when she was “little”, I wanted to join in as her “daddy”. The word and the concept still felt a little weird to me. So I felt more comfortable thinking of myself as a sort of “protector” or big brother. Because I wanted to be the one who made her feel that good.
So, in short, I’m a “daddy” because I love looking after my submissive and being the one who makes her smile, laugh and feel safe. I don’t mind now whether that involves chains or nappies.
Update: a French definition
Editor’s note: First-hand accounts from French speakers about ABDL practices are fairly rare. Here are a few comments and explanations I was given about this, following the publication of this article.
Be careful not to be reductive by implying that ageplay = adultbaby = diaperplay. That would also conflate different dynamics and practices.
Ageplay is a dynamic in which the submissive wants to relive carefree moments associated with childhood. The name of the dynamic is rather misleading, incidentally, since many people who practise it don’t associate it with a particular age, at most with an age range. Others, however, are very precise about the age, or ages, depending on the changing circumstances.
Adultbaby is a sub-dynamic of ageplay in which the submissive regresses to early childhood. This dynamic can involve diaperplay, but doesn’t necessarily have to.
Diaperplay takes many different forms. Often worn for pleasure, the nappy is rarely used for its original purpose: relieving oneself in it. The nappy is more often used as a symbol of dependence on the person who has to put it on and change it.
It’s the aspect of “regressing to childhood (or adolescence)” that makes people think of a regression dynamic. That can indeed be the case, although I’ve only come across one person who wanted to regress. You have to be very careful in that case, because there may be a strong underlying psychological need.
And, indeed, people who practise ageplay are rare in France. A culture of repressing feelings? A historical root of French BDSM in SM?
In conclusion, I’d say that ageplay is D/s that has chosen the path of gentleness, while SM is D/s that has chosen the path of pain.
Illustration: Flickr gallery by Paul Keller.
